I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
