I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
