this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize