1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
dude. I can hear the air.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
