Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
