the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
