As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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