Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
