also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
