1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Randomize
