A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
