She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Let's get the cat blown out
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
