How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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