Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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