Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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