he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
