Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
