She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
