There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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