she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
