If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
