Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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