you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
