if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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