ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
