My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
