I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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