My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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