HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
