You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
