i can't believe i had my finger in that
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
