Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
