I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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