I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
