Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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