I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
