If i come over, it means nothing
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
