he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
