if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
