The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
