the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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