People with herpes should wear stickers.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
