I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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