I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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