I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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