he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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