How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
