Swine flu. Run for my life!
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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