i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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