her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
