I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
