Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
