she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize