I can text with my tongue
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
