How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
