Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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