i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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