he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
