If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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