I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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