Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
