Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
