chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I can't put those talents on a resume
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize