Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
