Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
she smelled like a LAN party
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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