I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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