Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
