i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize