her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
