It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
